I inadvertently dressed like the American flag today. Maybe I had voting on my mind, maybe I'm the best citizen ever. You decide.
One time I ran for student council in elementary school. I made really cool posters with watches glued to them saying it was "time for a change." (Because as you know, elementary politics are a crucial keystone of our economy. Third grade is a pivotal time in most people's political careers and I was not going to let it slip through my hands with a simple poster.) That week, us candidates stood in front of our class and gave our speeches promising things that we had no control over whatsoever like recess, homework and vending machines. And then we waited until Election Day. I remember walking down the hall that day, ready to vote for the best candidate (myself) and as I was admonishing the other candidate's lame posters without the cool 3-D effects, I realized something was missing on my poster. The watches that I had glued to the poster were gone. Just little gluey outlines of watches remained. And in that moment, I was certain that I would not be elected. And that I'd never get those cheap watches back. And that someone, somewhere had 4 really sticky watches and they deserved every hair that would be pulled out of their arms after wearing my stolen watches.
All that to say, that was the end of my political career and that you should go vote in the election today. Don't make me tell you more stories from my sordid past.