Pause

posted on: 7/19/2012

{image via bloom}

We didn't get outfit photos this morning and I don't have any in the arsenal waiting to post. And for the first time in a long time, I'm okay with this. I can describe my outfit for you if you'd like -- it's a black maxi dress, sandals, hair in a bun, the usual for a running late kind of morning. The reason we didn't get photos was because I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. This is actually a very typical night for me. This is what I don't tell you about owning a business. Yes, it's a lot of fun but you lose a lot of sleep. In fact, when I sleep through the night again I'm buying everyone a drink. The thing is when you don't sleep a lot, you don't want to take pictures of yourself with your dark-circled eyes. And that my friends, is what it is. 

This post is not here to say that it's hard to run a business, because well it is. In fact that's why I've never really talked about opening the shop on here because to be honest, this past year has been the hardest year of my life. Year 27 will go down in the books as many things -- the year of starting my business, the year of making a ton of mistakes, the year of exhaustion. But a good year, a very good year in that. But today I decided that I was tired and that I wasn't going to waste my time trying to make people think that I wasn't. 

Most days I have it together. Most days. Somedays I don't and I just need you to know that. Just in case you don't have it all together, too. Maybe we can be friends and tell each other it's okay to be a mess sometimes.

I think that one of the biggest lessons I've learned this year is that just because something is hard doesn't mean that's it bad. I'm a very black and white person. Something is either good or bad, happy or sad. (And also I'm a Dr. Suess fan.) But the older I get the more I learn how grey life really is. I've always wanted Kendi Everyday to be a positive place -- probably because deep in my heart I want so desperately to be an optimist, which I am not. Outfits are happy, so I stick to outfits. But today I would just like to be Kendi, if that's okay. I'd like to share my story of how I started the shop and my journey along the way. Not right now of course because none of those words have made it to paper quite yet. But someday, I'd like to. You know when we were kids and if you didn't say something when someone questioned the truth, it still counted as a lie? Well, I've been quiet even though I know the truth and I'm tired of being afraid of what's honest. Yes, outfits are pretty, but so is life, even when it's trying, hard, and exhausting. Even when it kicks your cutely dressed ass.

This post really serves no other purpose other than to say, 'hey guys I'm tired trying to look perfect all the damn time.' I'm quite okay with not being perfect, so I'm not sure why I've been obsessed with making sure my life looks squeaky clean. So let's have a moment of silence for my well-scrubbed life. It's nice to see her go. 

16 comments:

  1. I love this post. Going through life with grace and great shoes is perfection: exhausted days, dark circles under the eyes days, happy days and fantastically perfect days. If you've got grace and great shoes, the rest is just optional details. And I'd say you have both in spades, even today :)

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  2. I appreciate you for taking this scary first step! And I think what you had to offer today was just perfect.
    - Lucy

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    1. (perfect in the sense that it is all that is required, not in the glossy, nothing makes me break into a sweat way)

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  3. Thanks for being so open and sharing with us. It is hard trying to look perfect all the time! I don't know why but I find I am always encouraged when I find out someone else doesn't have it all together either. So thanks for being my encouragement today :)

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  4. Wonderful post Kendi. I understand wanting to document the prettier parts of your life more than the not-so-pretty but it is lovely and refreshing to hear the 'real' parts of your life too.

    Hope you get some more sleep over the weekend!

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  5. This entry resonate so close to my heart because it is precisely what I've been going through past 2 months. I'm just dead tired.

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  6. The world is real. The downside of FaceBook, fashion blogs, and such is that is skews out image of real life. I'm glad that you realized it's okay not to be okay. And that make me like your blog that much more. (I have noticed all my typos, but in the spirit of the post, I will leave them. Lol!)

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  7. :) I can imagine the outfits you are describing.
    And I like the way you match them. Perfect.

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  8. I have truly loved your honesty this past week or so! It really helps me as a blogger say what I want to say. Actually, I just typed up a post for tomorrow entitled "Where Do I Fit In?" and I'm ready to post it, even though a small part of me is afraid. And, I envy your courage to start a business you've always wanted to open. The courage of my youth has turned to fear. I will, however, continue to dream!
    http://akstylemyway.blogspot.com/

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  9. Thanks for this post. Your life seems perfect to me and now I realize this is not the case. My life is not perfect either. Yes, let's be friends and tell each other it's okay to be a mess sometimes. Hi, my name is Emilie and I am a mess today. :)

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  10. Y'know, we don't read just for the clothes - we read for you. Thank you for sharing your genuine and wonderfully figuring it out self. 

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  11. Thank you for writing this - its encouraging to me as a blogger who has her fair share of hard days to keep pressing on.  So glad I found your blog today!

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  12. Forgive me for showing up so late to this party (I was out of the country when this post went up), but I just wanted to encourage you to keep down the path of "giving up your well-scrubbed life." As you can see with the large response to this post - people want real and they are so happy you opened up! So why not continue to give it to them? It appears to me in my personal opinion, like all of your posts since this one haven't had any changes (the same photography style, etc.) but it really sounds like your readers would be open to it if that's the direction you want to go.

    This is also a little bit of an emperor's new clothes moment. I was a little shocked at the comments, because to me this post felt very "do as I say, and not as I do." The perception is that your life is perfect, because that is how you portray it. I think many bloggers want it that way (and certainly traditional fashion media does), but if you are really saying you don't want it that way, you have the opportunity to change that. We of course all know that it's certainly not possible your life is as perfect as it seems (no one's is!), and it certainly is fabulous that you decided to share what is on your heart and share with us how hard your day was. But where is the photo of you looking not perfect that day? Or changes since this post? You can tell us that it's okay to not be perfect, but modeling that behavior is even more important.

    The topic of realness in media is my life - I exist because I want to counteract the "perfect" we see in fashion, and it's why I show up to work everyday. So that's where I'm coming from with this comment, and why I felt it was important to add my two cents. Hope it was some food for thought! :-)

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  13. This is such a late reply to your entry, Kendi, but thank you for sharing this. This is the kind of post I need. I hope you are doing fine and great now. Cheers! xx

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