11.22.10h{Shop: TeeScarf, Boots}
Some days I have to tell myself to calm down. Not like calm down and stop jumping on couches, although I was told that the other night by my husband, but just in general. Calm down and breath. The world will still be spinning, even if you stop to watch it for a second. 
One of my favorite quotes in the world is this: “comparison is the thief of joy.” I need this imprinted on the backs of my eyelids. I mean, hey comparison is normal, it’s human. But it’s not always right. When I start to compare myself with anyone else in the world, I immediately lose my footing on my own level path. If I compare myself to make me feel better, I lose. If I compare myself to someone better than me and feel less important, I lose. If there is one lesson to be learned, it’s that there is no way of comparing yourself and winning. You will always lose, even if you win the comparison, because you let someone else tell you who to be. Life’s not a competition until you make it one. And in my mind, we will all walk away with shiny trophies just for participating. (Personally, I hope my trophy says “World’s Best Dad”) 
Calm down and just be. Be who you are. You are the only one who can be that good at being you. 


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126 Responses

  1. Love this! My Aunt always tells me that we are human BEINGS not human doings and sometimes being is all we really need to do.

  2. Well said! Couldn't agree more and totally agree with breathing. It seems obvious, but it's not.
    Oh, and of course you and the photos are gorgeous.

  3. Elizabeth —

    that's brilliant. Human beings, not doings. I love it.

    Thanks guys for the compliments on the photos. My husband is a magic man with that camera I swear.

  4. Love that next to last photo – beautiful! I couldn't agree more – be who you ARE, not who you think people want you to be. Learning that and getting it ingrained in me was life-changing. And freeing. Very freeing. Blessings to you – the authentic YOU – and Happy Thanksgiving!

  5. I love the warmth your smile brings to these pictures!

    That is truely a great mantra! I feel like I need an etsy print of it or something…or a Kendi print of it!

  6. I think if we all felt a little bit more free to be authentic, life would be a lot easier. So much of the frustrations I face come from the fact that I either compare myself to others or feel compared to… What if we were all just easier on ourselves and others? Great thoughts, and beautiful photos, as usual. Love the fall colors!

  7. 1. fantastic outfit, i love it.
    2. i love your message even more than your outfit


  8. awwww Kendi, you are so uplifting! I've been feeling slightly insecure about the remix since I'm not a fashion blogger per say and I can kind of feel like a french movie geek alien when looking at the gorgeous fellow remixers. Your post today makes me see how the challenge is a good way in the end to celebrate our differences 🙂

  9. Not only are these amazing, gorgeous pictures and outfit, but also amazing, gorgeous thoughts. And they are so very true – instead of constructing an identity around what we're not, it's better to figure out what we are.

    PS – when you mentioned jumping on the couch, I instantly thought a reference to Tom Cruise was coming 🙂

    Small Time Style

  10. Sigh. You're ten times better than an inspirational calendar. : ) Thanks for sharing your smile and words of wisdom, they came in handy for me today! : )

  11. Great outfit and these pictures are so great with the fall foliage.

    That quote is perfect–thanks for sharing.

  12. I love that quote. Thanks for sharing. I'm horrible at looking at blogs everyday of girls wearing such pretty clothes and not comparing or becoming jealous.

    BTW, you're awesome, Kendi. I hope you know that. 🙂

  13. How right you are! We can't allow people to love us until we love ourselves. Always great to have a reminder about self confidence. And Love love love the scarf pic!

  14. great post, great advice! i love that quote "comparison is the theif of joy" – thats one worth remembering.

  15. One of my favorite mantras is: Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

    It's always good to remind ourselves of this, no? 🙂

  16. Stunning photos and your smile and playfulness is just and added bonus for us. Thanks for such a lovely post. I look forward to your blog and photos everyday (but no pressure when you cant post somedays, everybody needs a break).

  17. Geez, that made me tear up a little.

    just a tiny bit.

    thanks, kendi, for being who you are.

  18. Just what I needed to hear!

    Your pictures make me wish it was autumn in Australia. Maybe I should go read your summer 30 for 30 so I don't get sleeve and scarf envy!

  19. Gorgeous you, gorgeous photos!

    I love that quote at the bottom, very true and always encouraging, and inspirational. Just what I needed to read today, Thank you!

    Have a great week!

  20. Amen sister.
    Although I am absolutely horrible with comparing myself… or just wanting to be like so many different things(people) while still being me.
    God forbid I pick up a book about an axe murderer… then that could be dangerous.
    It's about balance right. Be what you want to be while still being you. I'll still swear like a sailor and punch anybody in the arm. it's just me.
    YOU HOWEVER! should not be comparing, you are gorgeous, hilarious and talented. You are only human though (i'm sorry, maybe one day you'll be more?)

  21. I absolutely love that quote, I just hung it up on my bulletin board to remind myself that.

    Oh, and those pictures of you in the leaves are gorgeous!

  22. do you ever make yourself giggle by reading your posts again after the fact, then think to yourself "I am so funny" lol.

  23. Love what you said and Elizabeth's quote too 🙂

    It's hard not to compare, contrast, measure up. I am your basic constant vigilance kind of person (can you say "neurotic"?) Certainly something to work on for me.. or stop working on more like.

    Lovely photos & outfit 🙂

  24. It has taken me 25 years to come to terms with the fact that apart from some dental work there is nothing I can do to change who I am…heck I can't even do the dental work until I can afford £3000 for braces lol…so yeah I can only be me as I am.

    This knowledge would never have made me popular or liked but I think it might have helped me deal with being different from everyone in my class.

    Should you ever invent a time machine please go back in time and inform my younger self this important fact 🙂

    Also, they're right you do look gorgeous, my boyfriend does a wonderful job with my little camera and I'm so grateful to him but I'd love to see what your talented husband could make of me (picture wise of course).

  25. Oh Kendi, I heart you! I totally needed these words of wisdom today. It's so easy to get caught up in everything and it can get to be too much. Thanks for the reminder that it's ok to watch and appreciate the world every once-in-a-while. I have to disagree with your husband though. Jumping on the couch/bed IS a way to calm down and should be treated as therapy. That and blasting Alannis Morissette.

  26. You're so wise, Kendi! This post really hit home for me. I've been comparing myself to others a lot lately, even in the blogging world, and it's never a good thing. One way or another we just end up feeling inadequate, when we shouldn't at all!

    On another note, I really love this outfit, and that second to last photo kills me. You are so beautiful, lady.


  27. What a great quote! Today was one of those days that was completely brought down by my attitude about my abilities versus those of my colleagues. This was exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you for this source of positivity!

  28. i love this post! the photos are gorgeous! my favorite is the one of you on the ground. as women, i think we constantly feel the need to compare ourselves to other women, and i love that you are encouraging each of us to be who we are!

  29. Thanks for that Kendi! I needed to hear that today. You are great at being you EVERYDAY :).

    Love the pics and the outfit!

  30. No idea if this was intentional, but your post title totally reminds me of that Wang Chung song Dance Hall Days (the line in the song is, "me, you and everyone we knew,") so now it's running through my head.

    I love your outfit today and your pictures are just great. I wish I had a photographer so I could take pictures outside!

  31. Beautifully written Kendi, I think especially in the blogging world it's tough not to start comparing. I'm so glad you wrote this, as it's exactly what I needed to read at this moment. PS You look gorgeous as always xx

  32. That bit about comparison is just what I needed to hear today. Thanks, Kendi 🙂

  33. Your pictures are just beautiful! You look great. And what sweet words of encouragement. We could all use nice reminders like that.

  34. I really needed to hear that, I've been struggling with people pleasing and comparing myself forever. Now in life I just try to live by this one motto.. " I can't be you, so why am I not being myself"

    Great post and beautiful pictures as always!! 🙂

  35. i think you are pretty fabulous at being you! high-five!

    and, love your outfit today! the pieces themselves and the color combo!

  36. Hi, Kendi! I've been reading your blog for a few weeks but this is my first time posting, your pictures are so beautiful and you are hilarious! I applaud you for what you wrote on today's post, well said! And your outfit is really cute and goes very well with the Autumn leaves 🙂

  37. Thank you for such a positive and inspirational post!! I really needed it.

    You look extra happy in these photos! love it!

    Love the boots!

  38. Kendi–the last two photos are wonderful.

    Your insight about comparison is so true. We all have our hands full being the person the creator made US to be.

  39. Kendi, you are too precious!! I love these photos – so beautiful and natural! And I totally agree – never compare yourself, it never turns out well. But you know we think you're great right? hugs sweetie!

  40. you are gorgeous, these pictures are so fun. and that quote is all of my all time favorites. i learned it from a counselor at a camp that i went to for years, and that quote has stuck with me for a while. thank you for reminding me!

  41. Your pictures are gorgeous, as usual. The last one is my favorite of this set. Thanks for this post. I had kind of an awkward afternoon at work, and your post cheered me up and made everything better. =)

  42. Kendi,
    a. you are gorgeous and so good at being the only kendi i "know"
    b. i really needed to be reminded of this whole comparison thing
    c. does your scarf have glitter, because that would make it pretty awesome!

  43. So true–comparing ourselves to others can be so destructive, but difficult to avoid. Thanks for the reminder.

    I'm so loving your boots…I finally got brown flat boots this year and now I covet gray? It just never ends.

  44. Kendi- I totally needed to hear this today! I have made such a habit of comparing myself to others- I needed this advice to remind me to knock it off.

    Thanks for the wise words! And for wearing this cute outfit 🙂

  45. Can I get bigger eyelids so I can burn this entire post on the back of them? No, that would be crazy, and not look very good, but you are so right. Thank you for sharing!

  46. I really loved this post. It reminded me that I compare myself to other people way too much. Money, weight, blog size, and way too many other things. The truth is it doesn't really matter. Thank you for reminding me.
    My Heart Blogged

  47. Love your outfit, and love the words in your post. Comparing your self to others is a really negative thing to do. thanks for the reminder. I love your blog =)

  48. Such wise words! That is something that I personally needed to hear right at this incredibly stressful time of school! And when you're in your 20s, I feel like this is the time to really figure out who you are, and you're so right–you never will win if you compare yourself.

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

    And your outfit, so so cute today. I love these leaf pictures!

  49. This is by far, my most favourite photoshoot you've done since I started reading you over a year ago. Gorgeous, beautiful fall pictures!

  50. yep, really needed that right now kendi. duh i should of known you would come up with such a great thing to say for me today. spanks alot! your bea-ut as always!

  51. One of my favorite quotes as well. You have just given us a well-needed (and very stylish) reminder that we are all made differently because it would be tres boring if we were all the same. Thank you!

  52. What a gorgeous sentiment, so very truthful. Comparison really is the thief of joy! It stops us from seeing our uniqueness for the wonder it is. Gorgeous post 🙂

  53. I love these fun, happy shots! And that leather skirt. AND the wise words in this post. All around great, Kendi 🙂

  54. Thank you for the post. "Calm down and just be…"I love it! This is what I needed to hear today 🙂 The pictures are so beautiful!!!!

  55. Your photos are lovely–and your husband is a great photographer. I love that quote about comparison being the thief of joy–I need to get that stamped on the inside of my eyelids too!

  56. I've been travelling the last five days so I'm catching up on all the posts I missed!

    Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that my grandmother once ended a letter to me by saying, "I am content. I hope you are, too." It really resonated with me because I think it's so true. To truly be content (with our looks, with our jobs, with our financial situations, etc) is to truly be happy. What more can you ask for when you are, indeed, content.

  57. I am truly inspired by this post. I shared your quote with my FB friends and you've inspired them as well. Thank you so much for reminding us to just be ourselves. I'm constantly on fashion blogs and wishing I could look or buy what others have, and I need to remind myself to just be me b/c that's who my family loves. I love your blog and these pics are so cute and gave me great ideas for a shoot I'll be doing with my son soon!

  58. Beautiful pictures! Your outfit is so put together, and it's so simple but romantic (at least that's what my mind immediately jumped to!)

    Those boots are lovely!

  59. Well, I hate to be jealous of you…but I am. I'm pretty happy with being me but if I could be you for a day, I think I'd like it too.

  60. I have been wanting to start a blog for a long time but kept putting it off because of comparisons. Thanks so much for inspiring me to go for it! My blog isn't anything at all right now but thanks for your words of wisdom!

  61. Brown and gray… when you combine them, it looks great! What are the general color guidelines for combining them? I am afraid if I pair my gray boots and brown jacket it will look weird. Love your blog by the way!!!

  62. I love your pictures! It makes me really feel like autumn actually arrived for a bit — although I haven't personally felt it at all.

    Thanks also for the positive advice about not comparing yourself to others and just focusing on being the best you. It's basically my goal for this month to go deeper into myself and figure things out. Thanks again!

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