Hello there, friends:

Sorry for the slowness or weirdness (nay awkwardness?) I don’t know. Whatever the vibe has been around here, I apologize for it. I know it’s felt off for a while because I’ve felt off for a while. This blog and I are one and the same so it’s hard to hide anything for too long. We have got lots of things going on behind the scenes that I feel like I can finally share. I hate when real life gets in the way of my online life, amiright? First off, Bryan landed a dream job this past December! He started last month and he is *thriving* in his new position. So this creates a different landscape for us around here as Bryan has been my photographer-in-chief and co-creator / business partner for the past 15 years. If you’ve been wondering why all the selfies in the past few weeks,well that my friends is why. This job kind of came out of nowhere and it surprised us both, so we are transitioning quickly and adjusting all of the plans we had set for this year. It’s a big shake up around here to be honest, but a very welcome change to our life as well. This will create a lot of changes for me (and you) here as I will have to create my content a bit differently than I ever have before, so please bear with me as I figure out how. I’m excited to change up my content anyways and I have a few ideas, but it may take me a minute to figure it all out.

So the second life change: we are moving!

Like, as in we are moving next week. B’s new job is quite a bit north of where we live now and we figured we would get a little closer to it so we put our house on the market thinking it would take about 3-4 months to sell. And then it sold in less than 48 hours. We did not think it would sell so quickly in this market, so we were not prepared for next steps (i.e. buying a house) quite so quickly. That is not a decision I want to make on the fly, especially if we don’t have to, so we will be renting until we figure out our next move. Needless to say, my content  will look quite different in the next few months. At first I was sad to see everything changing but now that I’ve sat with it for a while, I’m seeing it as a challenge and I’m excited for the change up.

Which leads me to the next change…

….which is about me actually. I have been internally fighting with who I am versus how I present myself online and I’ve realized that I need the two to match more than I know. I think more than anything I’m afraid to change things around here because Kendi Everyday is my business, my livelihood, and my career for 15 years. The thought of change brings about a lot of fear but staying the same makes me want to quit altogether. I’ll be honest – I’ve lost my spark online and offline, too. It’s been hard to post knowing I’m not proud of what I’m creating because I am creating out of an empty well. I don’t want to leave behind what I’ve built; but I also know that if I want to keep it, I need to change it. A change in my perspective may very well change my job. This also means I need to invite you into the changes that I’ve made in my life and to be honest that scares me. The thought that haunts me is – What if you don’t like how I’ve changed? The line between Kendi the person and Kend Everyday is so blurred sometimes it’s hard for me to tell the difference. That’s what happens when you start something at 25, it becomes a part of you. But there are so many aspects about this job that I have stopped enjoying. I’ve been seriously thinking about calling it quits, hanging up my big dumb hat and starting a new career, offline that is, for the next 15. But to be honest, that doesn’t feel quite right either. That’s how I know I still love my job, just not some of the aspects of it. I still very much enjoy creating content but not the way the industry has demanded it of me as an influencer in the past few years. This is another change to figure out, but I’m up for the challenge if you have the patience.

Last December I was pretty much emptied out as a person. Empty of joy, ideas, passion. I’ve not been okay for a while, even though I’ve been telling myself and everyone around me that I’m just fine. This happens from time to time but this time it felt like it was lasting a little too long. That’s why I tried to force myself into ideas and passion with my ill-fated January challenge. How long did I last – 10 days? I don’t know. I wasn’t proud of one post, if I can be honest. I know you guys like the vulnerability – and I do as well, to a degree – but the outfits I can’t stand behind. I wasn’t styling anything, just going through the motions of a person getting dressed. As far as content goes, you deserve more than that. What I actually needed to do instead of forcing myself to get dressed was to give myself a break. But instead of taking a break, I broke. In the midst of all of this change, I had to get my house together for the sell, moving etc. Anddddd…that’s why the challenge fell off. Turns out forcing yourself to do something that you have no desire to do does not work. It also doesn’t spark creativity or passion, instead it just burns you out further. Ever try to light a candle that has lost its wick? It’s impossible and that’s what I was trying to do.

I was dreading some of these changes like us moving, not having Bryan as a part of KE anymore, etc. But honestly the change has started to give me a new perspective and some room to breathe. The home we are moving into is so nice, but the home we are moving out of was made for content to be shot. I set my whole life up as content – my house being instagram worthy, my closet overflowing with ready to go, commissionable looks, my husband always ready with the camera. Convenient, yes but exhausting and ever so slightly dehumanizing. I’d like to balance my life out a bit more and as much as I love this house, letting it go allows me to see my house as a home, not as a set.

A few things that I know off the top of my head will change are the frequency of try-ons and of course, my capsules. I will continue to do capsules, but again I need to figure out how this will work in my new set up AND without going overboard on new items. I have to find a balance between blogger and person. As someone who has created content for the majority of the week since 2009, time marching on without a post from me feels like doom. I feel like I will lose you as a reader, I feel like I’m losing my competitive edge, I feel like I’m missing out on content I could be making. But truthfully, I need some time for my real life to iron out. I work best if I can think things out and through completely instead of rushing to make a made up deadline. I am actually having ideas come back to me (What a relief!) and I’m writing them down as fast as I can for content this spring, but I know as a person I need to get our home moved, get everyone and everything settled and then I can start focusing on content for us here.

So this is where I am asking for a favor from you, if you don’t mind coming back and checking here for me every once in a while. I am hoping to be back full time content by March. You can sign up for my newsletter and I’m flirting with the idea of substack as well. (Thoughts on substack? I won’t leave my blog but instead it would be extra content there.) I can’t do much but I can make one promise: I’ll be back and with great content once again.

Thank you for hanging in there while I find myself. I’m hoping to re-introduce you to her soon.

35 Responses

  1. Kendi, I’m not a blogger but can relate to this more than you know. I too experienced a period this fall (in this year of being a 40-year-old mom who has been essentially in the same job for 8 years through multiple pregnancies, a global pandemic, etc.) during which I felt like, what am I doing? Is what I’m doing even worth it? I felt like I was going through the motions at work, constantly feeling like there was never enough of me to give to my children or husband, and for something that wasn’t even inspiring me anymore. But I also wasn’t ready to look for a new job, as I know this job, I can to some degree coast and I kind of need that right now too. And the mental load of it all. Therapy, a lot of trying to find the things that do bring joy and leaning into those things have helped me pull out of my spiral, I think (mine was more September-November so I’m a little further into it!). But I am still actively thinking, how can I get back to a place where I feel like me more. i know you’ve gone through some feelings about your body being different and I’m in that place too….and trying to get myself to a place where I can feel healthier again as I know that will ultimately help it all. Trying. Just wanted to say I’ve been with you since we were both around 25 (maybe 27?) and I’m still with you. Lean Out. Coast. You will figure it out. I value what you bring no matter what it is, and when it is. We don’t know each other in real life but I feel like we have grown up together, and I’m sure I’m not alone.

  2. Proud of you! Hang in there and take care of yourself. We’ll still be here!

    1. Ive been here since like 2010 so a few weeks off won’t push me away! And it would actually be boring if your blog was the same as back then (well, i wouldnt hate a 30 for 30 tbh☺️). Change is good!

  3. This all sounds so hard, and my heart goes out to you. I too have struggled with burnout and the fallacy that I can just force excitement and passion out of myself, so i completely sympathize. And I can’t imaging putting together a fun outfit on top of all that!

    Don’t worry, you’re stuck in my Feedly and will be for however long it takes until another post update comes through. 🙂

  4. first of all, thank you for keeping it so real with us. we visit and follow not just for the fashion but for your warm and relatable voice. please take care of YOURSELF and your fam—the rest will fall into place. and we will be here, ready when you are ready.

  5. Kendi, i’ve been with you since 2010, and i recently started looking back at some of your oldest posts for nostalgia. We millenials loved our colours and patterns and joyful expression, didn’t we? I wonder if that is part of why we feel so discontented nowadays. The current neutral/beige/sleek and sOphisticated aesthetic just does not reflect who we are inside. It can feel stifling, trying to be understated all the time. I just want to be stated! To state something! I want to be big and loud and take up space with my look like i used to! I wonder if maybe you feel the same?

    We’ve been through many miles together, even though you wouldn’t know. I’m turning 39 this year tooand am also in the process of overhauling the career i’ve been in since i started reading your blog. This must be the stage of life for reevaLuating what we want for the rest of it. You’re not alone and i believe In you. You will find your path one way or another! And i will DEFINITELY be back for whatever kendi everyday looks like next. THANK YOU FOR so many years of feeling like a friend. I wish you the best!

  6. Wishing you the very best with your move. Sending a prayer and hug to you! Take as much time as you need. 🙂

  7. Girl, you’re on my rss feed and you’re not leaving it.

    be kind to kendi, ok? this is the start of a fresh adventure and i know it will bring clarity and creativity!!

  8. I am a long time reader/follower. Ill still be here along with everyone else. Take time for you. We all change many times during our lives. Its called growth. It’ll be alright. It might even be better.

  9. As always, your raw and vulnerable posts are so appreciated. As your long-time readers can attest to, please know that we are 100 percent behind your need to shift directions. that’s what life really is full of and it feels more authentic. So even though we’re all strangers, know we’re behind you and with you!

  10. Wishing you the absolute very best as you transition into this new phase of your life. Have enjoyed following along with you all these years, and understand if you need to take more than just a month or two to settle into this new phase of life. Btw, congratulations to B. on the job and your new move!!

  11. We’ll keep coming back.

    Good luck with the move and all the changes. My therapist once told me “All change brings Grief” – whether good or bad. So hopefully that little tidbit is helpful with the exciting things you and your family have on the horizon.

  12. We will be waiting whenever you decide to return. Big hugs and much love!

  13. Have been following a long time. You have been a constant follow even as others have not and that’s because i’ve always felt you were more relatable and real and so much more than a brand. All the best to yall- see you soon!

  14. You are fabulous! Will still be here whenever you are ready to come back. Take care of yourself and family!

  15. I think most of us hate the demands of the new social media. None of us can shop every day and we re-wear our clothes constantly. We will not forget about you, no matter how long you’re away!!!

  16. Kendi, I’ve been following your blog for most of the last 15 years, even though I’ve never commented (sorry!). i love hearing your refreshing honesty about the #influencer industry and the unsustainability of continual try-ons, consumerism, consumption. I hope you find the peace you’re looking for in your downtime. A move is hard, no one is going to begrudge you the time off to get settled. We’ll be here looking forward to your return.

  17. Great post, we all grow and evolve, its natural 🙂 I’ve been following you for 10+ years, our DAUGHTERS are both onlys and the same agE and I really enjoy your content. We will be here when you return if that is what is best for you!

  18. First, congrats on all the big life changes – sounds like good things all around, though i am sure its exhausting at the moment. Second, i have been a devoted follower of yours since basically day 1 (2010-ish), and will continue to follow you, no matter the format you choose to present content (i am a new lover of substack, totally into that idea!) also, i hope you will continue the quarterly capsule. i think i have worn an interpretation of every outfit in your most recent capsule, truly – i think it was your best capsule yet.

    best of luck on the move and we will be here when you get back!!

  19. I’ll come back! Like many others have said, it’s Been over a decade, why would i leave now? Put fam first, and this fam will be here for you when you’re back. <3

  20. Very long time follower here – live your blog and wish you all the luck with the upcoming steps! Looking forward to hearing from you <3

  21. Thank you for being so honest with us. long time reader since the beginning and over here to support you getting your spark back annnnnd the rest you so rightly deserve. we’ll be here.

  22. Thank you for your honesty– i loved blogs back in the day (yours especially), but the industry has made me more on guard that bloggers/influencers have to sell us things to keep their livelihood. i’ve never felt that from you, but i know i would feel pressure as a content creator. thanks for all that you do and have done. you’re inspiring- good luck with the move, that’s a lot! 🙂 will check back in march!

  23. I came here for the young professional style content when i first graduated and was on a tight budget. I have remained a loyal reader for the personal content (i still have to wear those professional outfits). I fangirled and awkwardly shopped in your store in mckinney and really wanted to ask for your autograph or selfie or something but was too shy. I am proud of you for being honest and real. You are amazing, and i don’t care what your outfits look like anymore. I am just here for the real kendi these days. I will most certainly come back to check in. Take care!!

  24. Best wishes for a smooth and successful transition. I’m sending you my love and prayers! Give it all the time you require.

  25. I have your blog saved in my feedly…feed?…so I’ll for sure stick around and catch your future posts. Take care of yourself…we’ll be here when you’re ready. ❤

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